Wednesday 2 December, 2020

‘Seriously’ Speaking: Jamaica now the Wild, Wild West

Jamaica has clearly become the Wild, Wild West.

Where else could you have within the span of just five days, a shooting at high noon in Spanish Town, St Catherine; a shootout among lawmen over 1,500 pounds of ganja about to be detected by the police at Gutters, St Elizabeth; a prostitute reportedly shooting a customer after disagreement over payment for her services in St James, then amazingly, a Portland man shooting off a piece of his pecker with his own pistol?

Where else but the Wild, Wild West, yardman style.

On Monday, there was a 'high-noon' shooting in Spanish Town, where a loader man was killed. During the ensuing confusion, crowds scattered in confusion. A woman reportedly abandoned her four-year-old child and her finely-tuned 'maternal instincts' when gunshots echoed in the historic town.

Eyewitnesses said a loader man had to grab the frightened child and place him in a yard as people scurried for their lives. The excuse for a mother returned for her child a few minutes later when the hostilities had ended.

The next day, two Jamaica Defence Force (JDF) soldiers who were said to have been cornered by a police team with what turned out to be 1,500 pounds of ganja, reportedly engaged the cops in an extended gunfight - a-la-the good, old ‘OK Corral’ days - during which a JDF service vehicle was extensively damaged. The soldiers are still being questioned by police and military investigators.

It was reportedly just like the Wild, Wild West of old, with reflections of cowboy days of ‘corrupt lawmen’ carrying out machinations for corrupt, shadowy ranchers, landowners and corpulent cigar-smoking titans of industry.

At least four other persons are now being interrogated by the security forces over the marijuana find. Will the authorities’ probes lead to the netting of any truly big fish? We doubt it, based on both yardman and Wild West traditions.

Also on Tuesday, a Portland man accidentally shot himself in the penis after he reportedly tried to tuck his licensed firearm in his waistband. He had to undergo emergency surgery at the Kingston Public Hospital (KPH).

On Wednesday, some persons who had gone to Spanish Town on Tuesday morning to conduct business, spoke of being caught in the big ‘pow pow’, which reportedly stemmed from a turf war between warring gangsters.

One woman who had gone to pay one of her utility bills, said she was left stranded outside the utility company’s office after a male security guard locked the gate and ran inside the building, locking everyone, including his female security guard colleague, outside. Whoever said chivalry is dead must have met and spent some quality time with this guy.

The guard is said to have later ‘explained’ that he couldn't let anyone into the building because of COVID-19 protocols.

Why? It was supposedly said that people could not properly socially distance while running from gunshots? I kid you not!

Amid it all, gangsters ran up Burke Street, invading the area known as ‘Dallas’, and then sprinted back to their own turf, as the Dallas gangsters clapped back.

In the resulting confusion, women lost their high heels, their false hair, their fake nails, fake derrieres, and their phones, with opportunistic males pocketing some of the lost items.

Customers stuck in the utility company’s Burke Road premises sent quiet prayers up to the heavens, with some perhaps writing their wills on whatever pieces of paper were at their disposal.

When the smoke had cleared, the smell of cordite hung heavily in the air, and another man had been shot dead in the town.

Judging by the big and embarrassed grin on the security guard’s face amid dirty looks from women... ah, it was just another of those lively days in the Old Capital.

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