Wednesday 20 June, 2018

You know you’re ‘UPT’ when … 30 Things to know about Uptown Jamaicans

If you didn’t know, yes there are in fact two 'Jamaicas', or maybe three: uptown, downtown and the rest of Jamaica, also known as 'country'.

Today, Loop Entertainment is having a little fun as we describe 30 things only ‘Uptown Jamaicans’ say or do, yes these are all stereotypes and not intended to be taken seriously – Enjoy .

You know you’re uptown when:

1. You complain about the quads and off roaders on the streets of Norbrook on the weekend- They are so annoying!

2. You shop most definitely at Loshusan Supermarket or in Manor Park (One of the centres of UPT Life)

3. You vacation in Trinidad during the carnival season.

4. Your parents speak a sort of “demi-patawah/patois”. They speak with a ‘Motty Perkins accent’.

5. You go to Blow by Blow to get your hair done, as it is way too long to wait at another hairdresser.

6. You enjoy cocktail parties at the Regency.

7. You often retreat to the Strawberry Hill Hotel on the weekend for brunch.

8. Your workout spot is either Gymkhana or the Spartan Health Club.

9. You receive a receipt for your ‘hemp’ aka ganja. 

10. You have a ‘helper’s quarters’ and you consider 'Millicent' a part of the family.

11. Bacon, eggs, and pancakes are a standard breakfast.

12. You always prefer to watch a blockbuster at  Sovereign and not Carib 5.

13. You’ve heard downtown is a more affordable place to shop.

14. God forbid you miss a day of yoga at Chai Studio. You'd go completely mad!

15. You complain constantly about the state of Jamaica but would rather chill on your yacht than vote.

16. You prefer to visit Maiden and Lime Cay, by way of yacht,  to soak up the sun

17. You shop for all your clothing abroad, usually Miami.

18. You never rock weaves, but rather prefer to have hair extensions

19. You enjoy electronic dance music and EDX - it was awesome!

20. You attended Hillel or  AISK - God forbid you mix with 'ordinary folk.'

21. You turn your nose up at people who ‘bleach’, and instead, visit the dermatologist for chemical peels - those awful brown spots!

22. Kale and Quinoa are the “it” foods, can’t live a day without them.

23. You hardly watch local television- it’s too depressing.

24. Skiing and hiking are some of your favourite past times.

25. You say things like,  "Jamaica is so pop dung" and constantly make comparisons to other places you visited on vacation.

26. You’re distraught about the recent police killings of African Americans in the United States, but are unconcerned about similar matters in Denham Town. Where is Denham town anyway?

27. You would never be caught dead on the JUTC. Where is the nearest bus stop ?

28. The only taxis you know are from the On-Time taxi service.

29. Half Way Tree is the furthest 'south' you’ve been.

30. The best part of the local newspapers are the social sections. I can’t believe so-and-so made Page 2 again!